RomantiCurious

It’s a bit late to express my gratitude for the year that was. It was not an easy year but it was a bad one – only some bad days. It’s like saying goodbye to a romantic story that didn’t work out. You still look back fondly at the good times, and feel sad and sentimental at the not so good ones. Still, it was good while it lasted and you learned your lessons along the way. And that is the most important part.

One of the most important lessons I learned last year was to always keep a positive mind but to also respect my boundaries instead of betraying myself. After all, everyone is struggling with their own battles in private so it is sometimes good to give a bad first impression a second chance, when they might be feeling better and they end up actually being a good person and not the cranky one you first encountered.

“The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It is our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.” ~ Brene Brown

At the same time, you need to learn to put down your foot when your boundaries are being disrespected. Others people’s private struggles shouldn’t affect you to the point of robbing you of your own joy, safety, and peace of mind. Times like this, you need to express yourself clearly, with the aim to understand, not to argue back. But if the disrespect continues, then choose pace instead of arguing just to prove you’re right.

Walk away from the situation, even from the person. You can only change how you react, not the person. It is not your responsibility to fix them, especially if they are not ready to change for the better. Your job is to keep yourself happy while maintaining loving connections with people who actually care about you and understand you.

“We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.” ~ J.K. Rowling

I also learned that forgiveness doesn’t mean nothing changes in the dynamics of the relationship. Forgiveness means you can give them another change to try to get along better but without the same access they had before. It is a form of caution, an insurance that you won’t get hurt as bad as you did before. For their part, it is a lesson that they will learn about trust and the effort to rebuild it if they still wish to maintain it.

If they choose to walk away, it is not your fault. It means they are not ready to change or they are not willing to put the effort to retain and rebuild the relationship. You need not feel guilty for protecting yourself. You can be grateful for the lesson of the experience and be grateful for the space to welcome new relationships.

“As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” ~ Carl Jung

On a lighter note, so many old friendships grew even deeper, even as we cared for each other through our individual challenges. Major milestones and changes and many fun opportunities came my way which were both stressful but also satisfying when we had completed the work. So many people gave so many insights on things I usually took for granted and they have expanded my perspectives in different ways.

Perhaps the year ahead will run on the same template as last year, just on a different intensity, with different results and effects. The ups and down of life may stay the same but the intensity and direction of the curves are always different. Let us always look forward to the next peak even as we navigate through the bends and the valleys.