RomantiCurious

I haven’t been my best self these past few weeks – not that I always have been. I’ve been feeling down and rather depleted. I guess the holidays just masked all the stress and exhaustion I had been feeling even before. Still, I am grateful that I got to enjoy the holiday vibes without worrying too much about what comes after. That is definitely one advantage of living in the moment.

These days, I’ve been having trouble with sleep and even with my daily routine in general. Me and a bunch of people lost our work and while some of us have found new places to be productive again; some of us have not, and are rethinking whether we want to. I am especially not really eager to go back to a 9-5 so to speak. I want to do my own thing now, work on my passion projects which I have put on the back burner because I needed to earn a living. But the question is how to be passionate when you do not have the resources to support you?

As much as I want to ensure my resources, I also don’t want to be tied to the usual income-generating template of being employed full time. I have worked as a freelancer before, both on a project basis and as a consultant. But it’s been so long that I’m really not too excited to even touch my resume or update my online profiles.

Also, my sleep routine as it is – lack of sleep actually; I don’t think I am in the right shape or mind space to work on updating my technical specs so to speak. So for now, while I am still able to support myself, although minimally; I am taking the time to heal.

Heal from the stress and after effects of a 9-5 that sometimes robbed me of my weekends too. I am grateful for all the learnings and relationships and opportunities it brought me but I am really itching to move on from working for different bosses and being a boss of my own projects. I just need to get into the right mental space again.

While I am not there yet, I trust that my journals, my art, and the small things I do every day to gently heal my tired, burned out self, will get to the place where I can finally start thinking technically again and have a clearer direction on where I need to go. I have been wanting to live a more ‘romantic’ life, but after all, a romantic life is not always just sunny days and roses; there are thorns you have to encounter and overcome along the way.

For now, I feel like I am floating and savoring the atmosphere of gentle, unhurried days where both my mind and body can rest. I trust that soon enough, I will feel ready and be pulled by the itch to create again – in the direction and for the purpose that I am here to fulfill.

In the meantime, I trust that the Universe will keep guiding me and will show me the signs to move forward, no matter in a small way or a major way. I shall trust in the process, and will focus on my progress much more than on the end result. I am grateful for each day of my healing and am looking forward to the day when I move on to the next phase of my journey.